Rebounding
The Christmas season is upon us It’s about traditions, celebration, gatherings of friends and family, laughter, merriment…
These are the things you want to deny yourself. Your pain and loneliness are comforting, familiar. You can hide from the pleasures of the season and not be reminded of the traditions you once enjoyed with your loved one.
For many, finding new traditions and new ways to celebrate the season are nearly impossible. That requires more energy than you can muster.
On December 22nd of this year, Lou will be gone for two years, and I’m suffering as I face the holiday alone.
Years ago, our holidays were so festive, but as years passed so did the people we loved… grandparents, aunts and uncles, parents all gone. But still we had one another, so we adapted.
Now I’m overeating, I cry into my pillow, and I’m not sleeping well… signs of depression.
Clearly, my grief is rebounding as I face this special season alone. I miss Lou so much that it’s like a physical pain.
So I need a wellness plan to get myself moving again, to adapt.
My wellness plan includes watching our home videos. They go back as far as the year 2000. I have photos that go all the way back to the beginning of our story. It’s nostalgic to see us as a young couple again.
But it’s the videos where Lou lives again and his voice soothes my soul.
Last year’s Christmas holiday went well, largely because I was very busy preparing for and hosting a holiday party.
For me, keeping busy is essential to the healing process, anything to prevent stagnation.
Perhaps that’s what I need to do again this year. Another unique party, a new tradition that includes friends and neighbors!
In preparation, the first step is decorating the house.
So my house is better decorated than ever before. (that’s the “keeping busy” thing I do).
2023 a work in progress
Another helpful thing is to do something for someone else! I’m doing that now for my friend Leslie. It probably does more for me than for her!
Reach out to shut-ins. Bake cookies to bring them!
Yet another part of healing comes in the form of friends. Including friends/family is life-saving as well. Don’t be afraid to reach out. I do so, routinely.
Bu what happens if you have few friends, no children, no siblings, or extended family? Perhaps there are estrangements. That kind of loneliness makes dealing with loss far worse than my personal experience with loss. Address the estrangements! Keep busy. Start a journal, take a class online, attend community college or night program at a local high school in something that interests you. Reach out!
Work out in a gym or visit the YMCA routinely. Take a class at the local Srnior Center. Reach out!
There are lots of things you can do by yourself. Try hard, and I know it’s hard, but force yourself to reach out, to get moving again.
Add to that, differing personality types affect how we deal with loss. For example, being an optimist is an aid to coping, but not everyone is an optimist. Other types are idealists, realists, affirming, caring, pessimists, and so on.
While I am not affiliated with a religious community, I’m definitely not an atheist. I certainly understand that for many, Faith is a necessary part of coping with loss and grief, as is the church community itself. Both are formidable allies against grief. Use them if available to you!
It won’t be easy to get through the holidays. Reach out! You can do this.
Find a new way to find joy in the season.
Reach out to me
elaine .tro4@ gmail.com
www.griefstages3.com © 2023 by Elaine Troisi is licensed under Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International
: I’m taking a break ! I’ll be back in about a month!
Don’t worry . I’m doing things that are good for remaking my life as a single woman.
I hate the word widow. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it’s label.
Create a new tradition this year and enjoy the season .
See you back here next month!