Celebrate!
As you know, Lou died three days before Christmas in 2021. Before he died, he had arranged with a friend to go to my favorite jewelry store to purchase a Christmas gift for me. It was a very kind gesture, and he knew it would mean a lot to me.
Well, he didn't get to go on that shopping spree to buy his wife something special for Christmas.
Two of my closest friends, Carla and Megan, decided to go shopping for me anyway, as a special surprise.
Under the Christmas tree, on Christmas morning, there was a little box, and in that box was a special gift from Lou. It was a pair of diamond earrings that I’d had my eye on for months.
The gift was meaningful in many ways. For one, it meant that Lou was still alive in my heart. It meant that in Lou’s last days, I was foremost in his heart.
He had told my friends what he wanted to buy for me, and they were able to complete Lou’s final wish. For me, their act of kindness says as much about Carla and Megan as it says about Lou!
In a few weeks, I will be going to one of our favorite places, with a friend, and I know that Lou will be waiting. I will celebrate my 78th birthday without Lou, just as I have spent 2 anniversaries and another Christmas without him.
Learning how to get through all the special anniversaries that couples celebrate every year together is incredibly painful. It is not easy to watch those holidays vanish. No greeting cards, no Valentine's Day chocolates, no Christmas gifts and no joyful birthday celebrations.
But I've learned that it is important to remember those events, those very special moments, by being good to myself.
So this year in Maine, on my special birthday celebration, there will be a greeting card and there will be a gift from Lou to me.
A friend will find a suitable greeting card and an inexpensive gift, cleverly bowed and wrapped, just as Lou would do.
Some people might find the idea of gifting myself as though it were really from Lou, a little strange. But I don't think so. I feel as though I'm still married to Lou and will always be married to him. And couples should mark the passage of each event by exchanging gifts and greeting cards and hugs.
So with Christmas just around the corner, don't be afraid to buy yourself a gift from the person you've shared your whole life with.
On Mother's Day buy a little plant or do something special. There is little point in sitting at home alone in a dark room crying your heart out. Just do something that represents the love you still have for your spouse.
If the gift idea doesn't sit well with you, and i certainly understand that, celebrate your special event by donating to your spouse's favorite cause.
Or have a mass said in honor of your spouse. Be creative. You don’t have to ignore your special events.
Celebrate!
In a few years, perhaps you will find that you can celebrate with a smile.
Let me know if you have any special ideas for celebrating those moments as they pass by.
Elaine.tro4@gmail.com
www.griefstages3.com © 2023 by Elaine Troisi is licensed under Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International
Photo by Wade Brooks on Flickr.com
