Why Didn’t I…
There lay those carefully tooled leather boots, still in their box. You in the ER, victim of a teddy-bear cactus. Too bad they weren’t on your feet when you went hiking in the desert Regret.
Always looking in the rear-view mirror. Regret.
Lou was an avid angler. He nearly always carried a rod, reel, and tackle in the trunk of his car.
One day early in trout season, he packed a sandwich, iced tea, and fresh tomato with saltshaker. He checked and re-checked his tackle and packed his waders.
He drove 40 miles to try a trout stream he’d never visited. It was remote enough so as not to be crowded with eager anglers. Finally finding the perfect location, he unpacked his gear.
The trout were literally leaping out of the water! Where was his rod? Regret.
Regret stings. I felt it the night Lou died. Could I have done something differently? And in the days after…
Questions with no answers. The thorn that stings.
Regret.
Lou liked the front patio, and I preferred the back. So, we didn’t always sit together. Regret!
In truth, he talked to all the neighbors as they walked by, he was more gregarious than I. Also, I have low vision and could no discern the faces.
In the months following Lou’s death, I kept a written journal and an audio journal on my iPhone. I’ve tried to add this audio memo to this Blogger post, but Blogger isn’t audio-friendly! I’m transcribing the audio to text here. It was recorded 3 months following Lou’s death.
“You like to sit out front and I like to sit out back. Why didn't I sit out front, too?
You spent weeks putting together albums for those who might never look at them, and I thought it was wasted time so I didn't do it with you.
But Becky did it with you.
Megan did it with you.
It should've been me doing it with you, and I'm sorry, so sorry, that I didn't do them with you!
When you were painting bird houses … why didn’t I paint them with you?
In everything you did you wanted somebody with you, and I didn't get it.
I just didn't get i!
And there are more things I should've done with you that you liked.
I admit you didn't do the things I like to do either…
But there it is… regret!
Time wasted, time lost that I can never get back .”
copyright by Elaine T Troisi, August 25, 2023