POST 3. Morning Came

 I was still holding Lou when the EMTs arrived.

They examined him, but I just wanted them to rush him to the hospital. 


Instead, one asked me for Lou’s DNR. I retrieved it, trembling, and trying to dam my tears. I handed him the document and he read it over. 


By then nearly another half hour had passed, precious seconds racing by. 


The EMT turned to me and told me I could nullify Lou’s wishes! My heart stopped! Hope sparked. 


Could I bypass Lou’s wishes, to deny his directive? The hope that had sparked died with Lou in that moment.  I just couldn’t. 

Becky went to Maine with us in 2018

By then our friend Becky arrived, and the EMTs left. Everything was spinning out of my control .

Too many people, stealing moments from my time with Lou. 

“Leave him alone,” I wanted to scream!  I needed to vomit, or faint.


The coroner closed the door. Why? He was with Lou, and I wasn’t! It seemed forever. 


Becky explained that the coroner had to examine Lou’s body to determine whether his death was natural! 


The funeral director arrived with a gurney.   I had to sign so many papers. Everyone telling me what to do. I was a marionette, others pulling the strings!


Someone pulled the zipper over Lou’s face, but I stopped him. I reached inside for the comfort of Lou’s hand. Then he was taken away into the night, and the house was empty. 

Just Becky remained. This was so hard for her. Lou was a father to her, and she the daughter we never had.  

Then I was alone. 

Note:  I kept a journal in the days following Lou’s death.Those early days were unbearable, and the initial posts reflect that. 

Close your eyes. Deep breaths. Picture a spectacular moment with your loved one. Honest, it helps, especially when tears brim. Hold on to that smile in your heart! ❤️

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copyright by Elaine T Troisi, August 18,2023

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